SHE'S GOT SUCH A DIRTY MIND

oohlilsara @ 2009-05-27T17:52:00

2009-05-27T22:56:04Z

Something good should happen like, stat.

maaaaayne.

oohlilsara @ 2009-05-10T12:55:00

2009-05-10T18:02:05Z

honestly.... I think that people who are not humble are the biggest turn off on the face of the planet.

also,

-getting talked down to is the worst. I would rather you do anything to me aside from undermining my intelligence.
-my mom is the best person in the world. I hope everyone can say the same about theirs as well. but, seriously. she is insane and I miss her so much words can't even begin to describe.

and one more thing:
I can't fucking WAIT to be home.

and I don't want to waste my time baking these god-forsaken cupcakes for self-absorbed prick of a room-mate who doesn't even deserve them in the goddamn first place.

anyone have tricks on how to speed up time???? 'cause I could use em'.

please god, make thursday hurry up!!!!!! fuck :[

oohlilsara @ 2009-04-08T12:25:00

2009-04-08T17:47:05Z

I am so not into live journal anymore. In fact, I have royally outgrown this journal. And I've tried other blogging sites, trust me I have. And although in my younger years I happily became a part of diaryland, xanga, and of course live journal.... I no longer find that comfort level in blogging sites these days. And so, I have attempted a stint at other places and eventually always ended up back here. So, alas, until I decide where to venture next- here I'll stay. What's it matter, anyways? I don't know anyone who still uses this thing. For the most part anyways.
Eh. (by the way, I wish I could indent here. that bothers me) anywho- so yes, I'll stay here for a bit. I just really enjoy writing out my thoughts and I'd like to do it more often. I actually really appreciate how much I used to reflect and write down my daily life, how ever stupid and immature it may have been, just because now I have my own rear-view mirror, in print. awesome.

so, I wish I were in Houston this evening for NFG. It would be so much fun.

my brain can't keep up with my beating.

2009-02-03T23:37:37Z

And the silence; it became so very clear
That you had long ago disappeared.
I cursed myself for being surprised
That this didn't play like it did in my mind.

All the way from San Francisco
As I chased the end of your road
Cause I've still got miles to go.

And I want to know my fate
If I keep up this way.

And it's hard to want to stay awake
When everyone you need, they all seem to be asleep.
And you wonder if you missed your dream.

You can't see a dream
You can't see a dream.
You just can't see a dream.

And then it started getting dark.
I truged back to where the car was parked
No closer to any kind of truth
As I assume was the case with you.

...I guess I moved and I'm not any happier.
And I guess I'm scared I never will be. Although, I know I will.
And I can't talk to anyone. or so it feels.
Everyone here is desolate, for starters. And as deep as a puddle. It's like searching amidst a bare cupboard for something to eat for dinner. And all you have is some tuna fish, olives, and an old can of chicken noodle soup. Fuckin' nothing.
And meghann..... is fucking pregnant. And as selfish as it sound's, she will never be the same, and I will never have that friend in her. And everything is totally changed. Forever. No one asked how I felt about all this.
And Chelsea, I just don't even know where I'd begin. And I don't feel as though she has the time.
And Bailey is an idiot. not to mention, totally consumed in a lack luster, mentally abusive relationship.

And sure there's my Mom. who is... amazing. but yet, I can't divulge everything to her.

And so I just feel lost, isolated, and confused. And worse, clueless how to change things.

Not to mention, I am absolutely sick to fucking death of being invisible and incapable of love.

And ya know what else I'm done with? Self pitying journal entries on live journal.

So fuck it. ciao.

Dear Juan,

Before Denton.... every single person I spoke with had the exact same fear about living with you. And it was that your marijuana usage would be too much and too often and that the place you shared would soon become ALL about it. Christina feared it and Bray feared it. They both decided not to live with you and in some cases... us because of it.

But I didn't write you off because of that. And furthermore, I thought they were silly for doing so. And so whenever the conversations would come up... not only did I disagree but I defended YOU. And YOUR actions.

And then when I did decide to live with you this subject came up once again. As one of, if not THE reason they questioned if I wanted to live with you.

Again... I defended you.

And now here I am. In Denton 6 months down the line... and the last thing I want to be doing is regretting that.

But these last couple of months... and especially these past few weeks in the new semester have got me worried. And not just worried, but I'm starting to get angry, and frustrated, and it's started to affect how I treat you, our friendship, and my overall happiness.

And.... that doesn't sit well with me. In fact, I'm not okay with that at all. And I feel before it gets any worse, or I start resenting you for it, that I need to openly and honestly speak up.

I know that you're going to get defensive, because you ALWAYS do. but screw it.

here goes:

You came here with an ounce and within the only 2 and 1/2 weeks we've been back you have bought another THREE. Which, obviously, has turned the house into your one stop shop. And you know what? Sure. it's been convenient to have weed that accessible but I would much rather be able to lounge around makeup-less on MY couch in MY house without having to hide in my room because I don't know if another 'customer' is going to stop by and make a visit at 9 o'clock.

I am tired of it. You are a grown boy and if selling weed is something that you want to do... then far be it from me to dictate that or tell you what to do. but if it is something that YOU want to do then do it on YOUR own time. At your OWN discretion. And not at our home.

Because honestly, it isn't my problem. Not at all. And there is no benefit to me having this continue to go on. All it's doing is annoying and inconveniencing me. And in turn making me angry and act rude to you. And quite frankly, I don't want to be.

But beyond you selling such frequent copious amounts of marijuana there is another issue that's been brewing since before Christmas. A problem that of course has hugely increased due to the fact of your selling weed on such a constant basis and that is the fact that our home has become party central. As before christmas break even started it is rare that there is even one night a week that no one is here. And sometimes there isn't even that.

And you know what? I adore all of those kids, and I love hanging out with them. But at the same time, it really isn't my problem that they happen to live in a dorm and I live in an apartment. It's not my responsibility to give them or anyone else somewhere to go. Hanging out is fine, but when it becomes a daily situation... where we all just stair at a TV together... it becomes obnoxious.

especially, as of lately with me being so sick, and of course, as the workload increases as the semester passes.

It's just fucking obnoxious and again not my problem. Not to mention you make me feel like a rude prick for saying no politely when you ask. Let me make this loud and clear for you: I LIKE THESE PEOPLE, alot. but having our place be "the" place.... isn't ok.

Look, I like marijuana. And I like smoking marijuana. but smoking marijuana ISN'T my life. and It's turning into it.

Quite frankly, I don't want to be this lazy person that I'm turning into, and I don't like smoking this much weed ingeneral. These past months i've smoked more than I'd ever really want to. It isn't even much fun anymore, now. It's just become like, a habit, or something.

And I'm tired... sooooo tired of it. And I don't want what should be small issues to be issues at all anymore. Nor do I want them to affect us, or how I feel about you. Because it's starting to.

I defended you in the beginning because I know that you're more than just the "gay guy who's a pot head" exterior that you like to project. I knew that you were also an amazing person and someone that I could see myself REALLY being happy living with.

Please don't make me regret those things. And please don't make me ever regret standing up for you when nobody else was.

I hope you prove them wrong and me right and that we can change these things. Because shutting up and just tolerating it is not really an option for me anymore.

All my love,
Sara

Mindless ramblings:

2009-01-26T04:53:29Z

so, I feel completely isolated in my thinking.
And my soul feels as though it's aged, and I'm beyond all of this.
Where will I be in six months?
Why am I so frigid?
When will everything make sense?

Why can't someone just give me a map and tell me where to fucking go?

o'rourke-ish

2009-01-19T07:45:15Z

god, I am one lonely fool. I just, I am so tired. What is so goddamned wrong with me? And why is it that even when I make a huge effort that I still end up getting fucked? And i'm sorry for the self-loathing ramble but goddamnit I can only hold a grin for so long. I mean, maybe Paige is right. maybe I've created some self-fulfilling prophecy but I really have no motivation and I feel so far from who I was that I'm kindof becoming an ice cube. and honestly, why shouldn't I be? if we're being honest here? I am not being outrageous when I say that maybe I'm just un-capable of being loved.

I'm starting to hate my life.

alright no more. chao.

oohlilsara @ 2008-10-17T13:40:00

2008-10-17T18:54:13Z

I've decided I hate the word, "realistic".

what does that EVEN MEAN? why do people utter the phrase "don't waste your time, be realistic." or, "cool idea, but that's not very realistic." or, "man, I wanna bang the shit out of that girl but I guess the chances of me scoring some of that pussy isn't very..... realistic?"

well, why the fuck NOT? why isn't it realistic, bro?

why can't you score that ho? why won't your parents let you go to that out of state school? why can't you make payment plans on that vintage camero?

why is your reality so fucking blase that you can't achieve what you're drawn to? and furthermore, how come your reality is cotton based fabric, rather than nylon, or spandex? giving it room to grow, stretch, expand, EVOLVE?.... CHANGE???

your reality sucks if this is the case.
nothing is real, or unreal. realistic, or unrealistic.

everything just exsists, it's YOU and who you listen to that creates your reality.

fuckin' colorado! here I come!

OHHHwwwoooAAAHHH

2008-10-01T17:04:03Z

GOSH, I am more surprised every single day by how involved I have become in politics this year and how intrigued and informed i've becomed about this current election. I feel like I'm in a really good position to do so also, because I learned a lesson a long time ago about maintaining an open mind, and that a truly smart person puts away their ego, and is open to EVERYONE and EVERYTHING and becomes INFORMED about those things so that when the time comes to CHOOSE you can do so intelligently, instead of just swallowing other peoples bullshit opinions and spewing them out like their yours without even the slightest bit of actual knowledge concerning those issues.

and also, I know everyone else like rags like a mother fucker on katie couric these days since she's no longer that cute bitch on the TODAY show but seriously.... she is one tough cookie, and an amazing journalist/interviewer. quite frankly, she's been the only bitch i've seen to ask the tough questions and seek answers from them. she doesn't allow either candidate to sugar coat shit, and if they do, she is more than willing to interrupt and repeat until she gets a verified yes, or, no. amazing. regardless of your stance, I strongly suggest going to CBS.com and watching her recent interview with Palin.

bad.ass.bitch

I wanna buy her a shot.

daz all, zeeee end.

oohlilsara @ 2008-09-24T23:08:00

2008-09-25T04:22:45Z

i'm used to opening my own doors
and splitting the checks
he introduced me, was always just the "friend"
I bought a new dress... he never noticed.

always falling for these bad boys...
such a challenge
I'm getting tired of cleaning up after them
I think i'm ready to be a woman

oh love,

I think i'm ready, ready for it.

you were such a surprise
an unexpected gift
said I was pretty
and I believed it.
not really used to all this attention...

told myself I don't deserve you, and this is just a phase
could I get used to being loved the right way?
I wanna argue.... but there is nothing to say.

oh love,

I think i'm ready... ready for it.

my mother always told me that you'd show up one day
so scared... to feel this way
but love, I think i'm ready, ready for it.

oh love, I think i'm ready...

and i'm sick to death of it.
where are you????

oohlilsara @ 2008-09-24T16:32:00

2008-09-24T21:48:22Z

Is it entirely selfish of me to what to say in a meek voice that yes I know it's hard down there, but do you not realize how hard it has also been for me up here?

I mean, I get that things are hard right now. And I get that things are chaotic. There's a casserole of emotions raging from frustration from illness, and time, and the weather, and the media, and the traffic lights, and the two hour drives home from work, and the sadness mixed with grief in loosing property and places and fear of things never being the same. chaos from rebuilding and trying to continue on, nostalgia in missing your loved ones. I KNOW ALL OF THESE THINGS, I know more than anyone! I am so acutely aware of them you'd think I were experiencing them WITH YOU for christ sake. but what I'm saying is as much as it sucks "there's just alot going on" is not an excuse. yes there is alot going on, but the world isn't going to stop spinning, and life IS going on and I feel such intense empathy and longing for you all and for all of these things but I am feeling them too! Do you know how hard it is to know that your loved ones are ill (multiple), your home is being destroyed, and a hurricane is taking away the island you've loved since you were an infant and be alone in the chaos? with only your solitude and marijuana as your comfort and no one to talk to? to understand? to empathize with?

to have a car payment and not be able to pay it, to be a burden to those you love most financially, to worry, to be swamped with academics, to be terrified in an entirely new place, to have to go to court BY YOURSELF for your first violation ever to plead for an alcohol related offense... how terrifying and huge that is, to feel awkward, and shy, outgoing, and lost, lonely, lonely, lonely.

I care, and I understand and sure you get a few free passes because of the current going-on's but please know my life is not a slice of chocolate cake, okay? I am not saying feel sorry for me, and I'm not saying I'm comparable but just remember to look at the other end of the grass.

fuck

oohlilsara @ 2008-09-22T14:01:00

2008-09-22T19:11:35Z

when I came home this weekend... I found myself at first, at an empty house.

I showered and got ready and as I waited for Meghann to come over I opened up a frosty cold beer and found myself faced with the innevitable. The Journal from the beach house, along with the only photos that were salvaged were there, in front of me, stairing me straight in the face. I shifted, I gazed uncomfortably, I pondered wether cracking open the bind would be a good idea or not.... but of course curiosity and love for that journal got the best of me and I at alone with my dog and decided to skim through the pages.

there were entries from old friends I no longer speak to, entries from previous storms we boarded up for and prayed our guts out to, entries from this summer, and entries before I could even drive a car, sad ones, happy ones, ones written write before the storm and directly after

I cried (duh)

and today before I left I also wrote another entry in it. It was as follows:

9/22/08

Dear Alamo Del Mar,
"I started sending you a note
on how I hope that you're happy
I hear you're somewhere in the sand
and how I wish I was an ocean
baby then, I'd get to see you again."

great lyrics from a great song. I listened to it as I drove the other day and I thought of you. It's true though, I kind of wish I was the ocean so I could see you right now, or rather, whats left of you.

I want you to know that loosing you, and our beloved little trailor trash paradise of Crystal Beach hurts so much that it feels like an actual person has died. This sucks. But....

Thank you for allowing us to fulfill our dream. Thanks to your beaches for being the first place I drove on. Thank you for that swingset that always seemed to clear my mind. Thanks for letting Mimi paint beautiful pictures. Thanks for being somewhere that my Dad could clear his head. Thank you for that picnic table I got my mom to play beer pong on. And thanks for giving us a place to still hang out with Ging at (my Grandfather).

You have been a fourth family memeber and I am so sad to see you go.

God bless you for the sunrises, and the sunsets, and for keeping all the beer so cold.

I miss you already.

All my love ♥ ,
Sara

this weekend felt amazing as much as it made me so terribly sad.
I will comment more on this whole situation later.

oy veigh.

oohlilsara @ 2008-09-16T22:35:00

2008-09-17T03:46:40Z

"You simply can’t make someone love you if they don’t. You must choose someone who already loves you. If you choose someone who does not love you, this is the sort of love you must want."

oohlilsara @ 2008-09-07T16:05:00

2008-09-07T21:14:13Z

I just wrote the hugest entry and I deleted it by accident cause I'm a fucking tool.

whoops.

I don't want to be "sort of dating" someone. I don't want to be "kinda hanging out" with someone. I don't want to spend a lot of energy suppressing my feelings so I appear uninvolved. I want to be involved. I want to be sleeping with someone I know I'll see again because they've already demonstarted to me that they're trustworthy and honorable -- and into me.

oohlilsara @ 2008-09-06T08:06:00

2008-09-06T13:23:53Z

Just he uses love for sex
and sure, she uses sex for love
and they're both hoping for the best
I also have that dream you're thinking of.
if we place a blindfold on our eyes,
iron & gold appear the same
it's intense hope that makes us try.
so we go on and play the game.

and once again we get attached,
and think we've found the answer
here we go again!
ran into many walls
but I know i'll get that answer.
here we go again!
we loved not wisely.
we loved not wisely, but too well...

we're hoping she will be the one
but we never learn from our mistakes
and based on beauty love soon dies
then we make our move to seperate.
yes iron and gold appear the same
but one is costly to obtain
and I'll be the only onle blame
but if I resist I know I'll gain.

BLAAAAH Ian, get ugly and stop making me like you! now!

fuck! waaaah

oohlilsara @ 2008-09-04T19:38:00

2008-09-05T00:46:42Z

blah blah blah
blah blah blaaahh
blah fucking blah

blah

blah

b..la....hhhh

ughsz

oohlilsara @ 2008-08-31T18:08:00

2008-08-31T23:18:07Z

ok one other thing... this doesn't happen very often so I feel the need to mark it.

I have a crush. and it's starting to become a pretty big one. and if my track record serves true, it's probably a bad idea, I should stop now, and I'm not his type.

but I do have to admit... it does kind of feel good... to get butterflies and such... y'know?!

anyways, it's braden's room-mate, Ian.

ahhhhhhh

oohlilsara @ 2008-08-31T14:02:00

2008-08-31T19:11:02Z

I got a minor in consumption friday. go fucking figure.

anyways, please answer this and help me out:

so... for my interpersonal speech class... I have to write this paper on "who I am".
I'm not supposed to say anything to define who I am that has anything to do with my outward stuff like a job, or family, or hobbies or anything.

I'm supposed to JUST talk about like, my personal traits, and my real personality.

I am fucking stumped.

what comes to your mind when you think of me?

help? :(

oohlilsara @ 2008-08-29T21:07:00

2008-08-30T02:16:33Z

so, I'm kind of getting drunk right now
and I'm going to my first party here tonight
it's a lacrosse party.

this... should be interesting.

fuuuuuuck, ian, why do you have to be so hot!??!!??!!1

oohlilsara @ 2008-08-28T14:17:00

2008-08-28T19:33:47Z

I can't tell you how hard it is to feel this alone. I just, I don't know. Coming from a life like literally, my whole life, of being someone who is friends with EVERYONE. and I don't mean that literally but for the most part, I have never in my life had a problem with having friends. and a broad spectrum of groups of them too. and coming from that to this...... oh my god. I feel so vulnerable.

I know it's the first week. And I know that it will "get better" but this hurts so much.
It doesn't help that my apartment complex is far from the UNT campus so not many students live in it, and it also doesn't help that everyone at their fucking community college I'm attending also attends UNT as well. It's like a little highschool where every single person knows eachother and I'm just this... outsider.

and I'm fucking sick to DEATH of only having Braden & Juan. 'cause that is IT. they are my ONLY friends here. I am sooooo tired of not being able to make my own plans but instead having to rely on others for some. And i'm tired of going out when i want to stay home just because I feel obligated because I don't fucking know anyone. And I also hate feeling like a charity case. Like, braden has to hang out with me/us.

I don't want to meet all my friends through him but it's like, fuck.

and Juan is so persistant he doesn't help. He CONSTANTLY bitches about not knowing anyone and wanting to meet them and I'm just like give it a rest already. I don't know what to do. you don't just walk into a resteraunt to eat dinner and go up to people and say hi. that's not how you meet people.

and of course he points out every day whenever he talks to someone new.

god.

I don't know what I'm doing. I feel like i've always been so confident, so strong, so sure of myself that I'm outgoing and friendly and personable and that I can do this

ba;lkds;alkd;alskd;askd;la I don't know how I feel about that now.

I mean, in the past days I've gone to that school not one person has said hello to me, or introduced themselves to me, or smiled my way. not once. I know that it goes both ways. I know that. but fuck.

and I was sitting in class today listening to these girls make their plans for the weekend and I was so jealous. Oh my god I was so jealous. my stomach just cringed listening to them.

same thing happens whenever I go to target, or fuck, anywhere. I'm there alone, and everyone else is chatting away happily.

isn't everyone supposed to feel this way? they say everyones feeeling like you do. all alone, and such.

are you sure?
I don't feel that way.

oohlilsara @ 2008-08-27T13:21:00

2008-08-27T18:34:55Z

I keep wanting to write this long philosophical entry about denton, how i'm here now, everything about it, blah blah blah. and I'll get that urge, and then it passes.

I will do it soon, I promise.

but I will tell you this: I have resurrected my Something Corporate CD and I almost forgot how great they are. I'm serious. You will get that same stomach clinching feeling you got when you were 13 listening to it. It doesn't alter or change and become some nostalgic joke like Taking Back Sunday or Coheed. No. It still resonates. I promise.

go give it a shot. but if you were lame enough to enjoy their later cd's like 'North' and stuff... no. Don't go there. Stick with 'Leaving Through The Window'

so great.

anyways, epic entry soon to come.

but I am alive & well.

I am, I am.

oohlilsara @ 2008-08-19T11:06:00

2008-08-19T16:08:10Z

so this week sucks
and it's really hard
and I knew it would be
and quite frankly, I'm kind of just ready for it to speed up
'cause the build up is terrible

and I can hardley breathe I'm so scared
I got acupuncture yesterday and I had needle's all the fuck over 'cause I was so stressed

by the way: it feels good to know that I leave in two days and my 'friends' can't even call to hang out and see me.

... not.

oohlilsara @ 2008-08-15T13:56:00

2008-08-15T19:12:11Z

Last night was really cool. I went over to Morgan's new house & actually just hung out with Meghann & Morgan alone... which you'd think would be awkward town, USA. seeing as they are the horniest couple that I think I know. but it really, really wasn't at all. In fact, I had a wonderful time. And Morgan said something that TOTALLY caught me off gaurd. Like, I stammered.

We were just standing around shootin' the shit, talking about nothing and Morgan out of nowhere is like, "Why the hell aren't you dating somebody Sara? Like how in the world are you single I don't get it?" (insert stammer here) and he continues on, seriously. "I mean, you're cute, you're sweet, you're funny, and you're hilarious. I don't get it. Why are you single?"

And do I EVER know how to answer that question when it's asked? NO! Because I don't get it either. So, all I said was, I don't know. I'm not girlfriend material I guess? And I mentioned I am terrible with commitment. Committing to well, anything.

then of course, "have you ever had a boyfriend?"
... "yeah. for two weeks"

anyways, this got debated for awhile. then later in the night Meghann says he brings that up almost every time they talk about me.

which, in a strange strange way......was so comforting. to hear that from a guy I mean.

I've just gotten so used to being invisible to men (aside from sex, and my boobs) that I didn't think any of them even noticed me. So, I guess to hear that someone does, and is baffled, even if it is Meghann's boyfriend.... it gives me some hope I guess?

Another precious thing that happened last night? I was leaving and Meghann finishes her cigarette and says, 'let me hold your hand real quick'. So, I let her... and then she kinda looked like she was about to cry. And she goes, "thank you so much for hanging out with us. Having my best friend and my boyfriend hang out was like, all I could ever ask for"

it was so sweet.

I love her.

oohlilsara @ 2008-08-13T13:57:00

2008-08-13T19:21:05Z

During this time of my moving I can't tell you how much love I've been shown and what kind words have been said. It has been made so vividly clear to me how terrific all of my friends are, especially my Houston ones. People have been coming out of the wood work I haven't seen/talked to in YEARS wishing me luck. Perhaps, this is why I find it so hard to leave. but I do know that's why I'm lucky.

It's been said that one of our many flaws as humans is that we disregard, or rather, don't notice the significant moments while we're in them. but I've made a point to keep my eyes wide open. I can tell you from personal experience it's a terribly hard way to live. To apprecaite, and I mean, truly appreciate your life, everyone in it, and the little things you do... it's mind blowing and heart aching. It's made me cry more this past month than I think i've done my whole life.

like when Shiela said this, "Hey...you're not dying! We will meet again, little boo. You turned out to be such a wonderful young woman. I'm very much proud of you and what you have and will accomplish.

Look at me, training on becoming old.

I love you and I wish you the biggest success in life, ever. Go make your dreams, and don't ever let anyone come between you and what you want.

<3 "

I mean seriously. stuff like that. it gets me. it reminds me where I came from, and that I maed some little impact? and that maybe these people I love so much won't forget me?

but, it's good. because I can say with all honesty that I've tried to cease every opportunity. I've tried my damndest to spend as much time with friends as possible, and to stay home and eat dinnner and drink copious amounts of red wine with my family whenever I can.

and I can't wait for Saturday! I am so happy to see all of the people I will miss so much in a drunken haze in one room one last time.

that makes me SO happy.

and as lame as it sounds.... Alkaline says it best:

Soon ends our stay here and it's been fun.
So tonight I'll raise my glass to us.
'Cause we've talked so much I think we filled this ashtray twice,
And I'm pretty sure we emptied every bottle in the place...

So let's walk home, let's be afraid.
I wanna grab you by the arms and kiss you so hard.
Let's do it right, under the streetlight.
I want it now, somehow I forgot how.

Way to go, way to go.
Forgot you've got so far to go.
Way to go, way to go.
Forgot you've got so far to go.

I heard everybody's voice cut out when you spoke.
And I watched all the lights go dim when your eyes opened.
Well I can't believe you showed up,
What do I do now?
It's last call, time to go.
But before we say goodnight...

oohlilsara @ 2008-08-01T15:26:00

2008-08-01T20:49:33Z

Screw candlelight
cheap tomatoe sauce, noodles
and your lips are all I need.

oranges, berries, and melons
who needs sweet fruit
when I've got your lips?
I'll take the tomatoes.

real fruit off the vine

the garden of eden, forbiden fruit,
would have been much better off if they'd just eaten a tomatoe

attack of the killer tomatoes

...brainstorming idea's for a haiku contest my mom is forcing me into.

I hate tomatoes.

any ideas?

oohlilsara @ 2008-07-31T11:50:00

2008-07-31T17:24:53Z

In Joseph Cambells book "The Hero With A Thousand Faces" the hero "ventures forth from the world of common day into a region of supernatural wonder: fabulous forces are there encountered and a decisive victory is won: the hero comes back from this mysterious adventure with the power to bestow boons on his fellow man."

Mr. Cambell claims there is a specific sequence found in fairy tales, myths, and movies that ALL humans ultimately go through to achieve happiness and greatness. It's engulfing, a little bit. And strangely, to me, it's comforting.

1. The Call to Adventure

The adventure begins with the hero receiving a call to action, such as a threat to the peace of the community, or the hero simply falls into or blunders into it.

for me, this represents leaving. moving away from home, and ultimately as cambell calls it "leaving the comfort zone". (ie: Houston)

2. Refusal of the Call

In some stories, the hero initially refuses the call to adventure. When this happens, the hero may suffer somehow, and may eventually choose to answer, or may continue to decline the call.

how about how I bailed on Austin? or how I changed my mind a thousand times on what/where I wanted to go?

3. Supernatural Aid

After the hero has accepted the call, he encounters a protective figure (often elderly) who provides special tools and advice for the adventure ahead, such as an amulet or a weapon.

I don't know who this is yet. I don't know if this is Juan. I don't know if it's someone I don't even know yet. I don't even know if I have one.

4. The Crossing of the First Threshold

The hero must cross the threshold between the world he is familiar with and that which he is not. Often this involves facing a "threshold guardian", an entity that works to keep all within the protective confines of the world but must be encountered in order to enter the new zone of experience.

It looks like I'll be crossing the threshold the last weekend of August when I leave everything I know and move to Denton...

5. The Belly of the Whale

The hero, rather than passing a threshold, passes into the new zone by means of rebirth. Appearing to have died by being swallowed or having their flesh scattered, the hero is transformed and becomes ready for the adventure ahead.

pretty sure this is how I'm going to feel when I watch my parents car back out of the parking spot in front of my apartment. I'm sure the sadness and huge hole in my heart will be painful enough to feel like my flesh is being scattered a little. Seriously. It'll be that hard for me. I know it.

Chapter II: Initiation

1. The Road of Trials

The hero is challenged to survive a succession of obstacles and, in so doing, amplifies his consciousness. The hero is helped covertly by the supernatural helper or may discover a power supporting him in his passage.

I guess this will just be seeing if the people at my school are losers or not. And me trying to adjust to 15 hours on two days & a life I don't know anything about.

2. Woman as the Temptress

His awareness expanded, the hero may fixate on the disunity between truth and his subjective outlook, inherently tainted by the flesh. This is often represented with revulsion or rejection of a female figure.

the way this was explained to me is simply once you've faced these hurdles and trials you're finally complete enough as a person to be able to share yourself with the opposite sex. usually, this means in a romantic relationship, but it can just be a strong friendship bond. but I find so much truth in this particuraly because it makes SO much sense to me. Doesn't it seem obvious that you can't really share yourself with someone, until you're happy with yourself? until you've completed what you, as a person, NEEDS to complete to grow and become whole? Only then can't you really be an fully independant and able to SHARE yourself with someone? versus being dependant? Isn't that true love?

3. The Ultimate Boon

The hero is now ready to obtain that which he has set out, an item or new awareness that, once he returns, will benefit the society that he has left.

content. being content on your own, as a person, as an adult. having your OWN life, seperate from your parent's, or who you were as a child.

I don't know. It just makes so much sense to me.